Dude...you have some f*cking balls! and you courage is inspiring! You know how many people wouldn't even come close to write what you just did and be so honest. Honesty is the only way to true long term happiness and the only way to overcome an obstacle that is deeply rooted in our subconscious. I won't give you a platitude of saying "You're going to overcome this" or "You got this," but I will say as long as you keep being honest with yourself and not giving up, you got a shot, homie. Keep writing...don't stop sharing because you don't have it figured out. We're all trying our best every day and NONE of us are perfect. Your battle may be what someone else needs to hear to help fight theirs, and as long as writing makes you feel better and keep you going in the right direction, it doesn't matter what ANYONE else thinks! I believe in you, man, and as we say at AINYF...You never lose the battle until you stop trying...